I am not clear about when this began. It is one of those things that seems like it could have happened years ago or yesterday. To make me feel better, I could say something like "Your mind just starts to go once you've had kids". It would sound good, and reaffirm my point that I am becoming, cliche.
I am fearful of blogging because I didn't catch on to the whole thing until I was too ashamed to admit that it had passed me by. I feel so old fashioned all of a sudden. I don't use a cellphone headset, because they freak me out (its the human-robot thing; I can't hang). I don't have a MySpace. Or a Face Book. I have never bought anything on EBay.
In fact, I am scared of most advancements that all the cool people know about.
The reason why I bring this up is because the older I get, the more I am becoming exactly like the One I have always feared becoming.
(No, Mother, it's not you. )
It's more like the Leader Moms in my old Girl Scout Troupe. Not one specifically, but a montage of them all. The way they pursed their lips like they knew everything, and disapproved of it. The way they could barely cope with programming the VCR. They were overprotective, and their kids became skillful at lying . They out-volunteered each other to store the Girl Scout cookies at their house gleefully, and then bitched and moaned until all the boxes sold. The Girl Scout Leader Moms were weird.
I hate to say it, but I have seen the beginnings of myself going down. I literally had to force myself out of a rut there, and did it in this blog. I became HoopMamma, and rededicated myself to hooping again. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have begun this journey. On the days when I have really had it the worst.... when I am tired and cranky... I hoop. I have to- if I don't, I won't have anything to write about. Unfortunately, when I hoop a whole lot, sometimes I am too tired to write. Forcing myself to hoop and write about it is making me a better person, but its a good amount of work.
I feel like my hooping snaps me back into reality. Not the reality I create for myself, but the one that actually exists. The one where its okay to wear bindis and too much lip gloss; to hoop half naked (or fully naked- your choice) for myself/my hubby at night (or during the day); and to spend a good amount of time completely indulging in my own needs... I have to remind myself; it's not "luxurious" to spend time on myself; its a necessity.
(Because headbands do not make everything OK.)
HoopMamma's original intention was to lose 30 pounds by hooping a half hour a day, in six months. Now, a month and a half into it, I am down 8 pounds. I also happen to feel hotter than I have in a LONG time. I bought new hair products (and have been using them); I took myself shopping for casual wear (that's just a little hotter than casual wear); I decided to buy myself the dream wedding band that I have always wanted. As if those things weren't enough, I would like to share with you that I have brushed my teeth and washed my face TWICE a day without fail for the past week! It just gets better and better. Lets just say that HoopMamma's spirits are high.
I am beginning to realize that I am hooping for many reasons, other than losing weight.
I have been hit on, whistled at, and pounced on more in the past few weeks than I have since I got married 7 years ago. And not just by my hubby...! Its been so great. Hey- don't jump to any funny conclusions - I only go home with one man.
I love my hubby- he drives me crazy from time to time, but I love him.
I don't wanna be the mother that blames her never-ending self-image issues on her children/husband. I don't wanna be the mother who completely lets herself go for the same reason. I don't want to be the mother who is so wound up (pursed lips).... for the same reason... you know the story.
I want to be a role model to my kids- I want to work, be good at things, and lead by example. I want my kids to make me a better person, and not be my excuse for failure.
I feel better than I have in years. I have lost a bit of weight since I started the HoopMamma blog: my boobs have stopped doing that "double boobie" thing over my Le Mysteres. Eight droopy pounds. Twenty-two to go.
Check out this Mamma at our Hoopnotica "World Hoop Day" celebration (For those of you that were unaware, check out www.worldhoopday.com)!
How cute is she? I wanna be just like her when I grow up. She is now the HoopMamma I aspire to be. Look at her! She is so HOT, holding her baby while she hoops. So sweet, and energetic; happy, and healthy. I don't wanna be the type of mother who gets defensive and thinks/says, "Sure, but she probably only has one kid". But I would be lying if I told you that I had never thought anything of the sort. The more I allow myself to think like that, the deeper I sink into a rut.
Since I started Hooping for this blog, its like my whole persona has changed. I am not the only one who has experienced this. I read about hoopers all the time who have experienced amazing changes in their lives after beginning to hoop. I receive such beautiful letters from people in praise of hoop dance- women with physically limiting conditions and women who mentally have grown. The solution to my own problems has literally been right under my nose, and I was just ignoring it
See, this is my second time experiencing this "hooping phenomenon". The first time was when I learned to hoop after the birth of my first baby, 4 years ago.
I went from feeling hip, sexy, cute, fun, flirty, smart and stylish, to overweight, tired, drab, slow and sarcastic (I was just a little bit jaded about it, too). I was happy to be a mother; I was smitten with my new child. I was also disenchanted with my physical being, and felt a little hopeless.
Then here I am after a full summer of Hoopnotic Hoopdance:
Feeling sassy, energetic, and hot. (I am the one with the black sunglasses on my head). I remember this feeling.
After the birth of my second baby, I fell back outta shape. Not just physically but also mentally. I really hadn't realized how bad I was getting until now. It was a slow and steady decline into a way of life that really kinda... sucked. Pursed lips and girl scout cookies. I was becoming argumentative. Crabby. Far from sexy. I was arguing a lot with my hubby. Worse was that I had actually allowed myself to believe that "the rest is downhill from here..." What the he!! is that $h!t??!! Really?
I feel so much better now; and the best is yet to come. I feel blessed to have this outlet; this simple. beautiful ring of sparkly plastic. Who would have guessed...